You’re out at your favorite County Western bar with your buddies Two Stepping the night away and there she is. Back against the wall is the prettiest girl in the place and she’s locked eyes with you. Victory!

Knowing that every girl loves to dance, you invite her onto the floor to Country Swing dance with you. Things start out fine, then all heck breaks loose as she begins to lead herself into a bunch of turns and dips that you don’t know! What is going on here? You’re supposed to be the leader, right? You ARE the lead on the dance floor, so why is this happening?

Well, there are many reasons why women lead themselves on the dance floor; fear, trust and insecurity are just a few. Most of the time, she doesn’t even realize she’s leading. She’s so used to “helping” or “compensating” for her partner that it has just become a bad habit. There are ways that we can break this habit for her, but that’s for another blog. For now, let’s explore why she leads herself in the first place.

Lack of Information: OK, let’s assume that this pretty lady has never been on a dance floor and has no idea what it means to follow. She may very well be yanking you around simply because she doesn’t know what else to do. Let’s face it, most people do not take Country Dance Lessons, they wing it. Or they watch the uninformed dancer next to them and they mimic what they do. It’s not her fault in this case. She just needs more information on what it means to be a follower on the dance floor.

Fear of not Looking Good: Then there’s the woman who does know what to do, but may be afraid that you won’t make her look good, so she turns and twists herself to show off or have fun. Unknowingly, this fear is not only preventing her from having the good time she is seeking, but she will ultimately get annoyed that she is “doing all the work” on the dance floor.

Trust: The other form of fear she is feeling is the fear of you not knowing what you’re doing. This leads to a lack of trust and sometimes into her leading herself to avoid being flung into others and treated like a rag doll on the dance floor. If this was ever happened to you, you know what I’m talking about. So many guys push and pull their partner on the floor, without being mindful of how she feels, that it can be scary! Guys, if you want her to relax on the dance floor, take care of her.

Insecurity: She knows that you’re in charge, but she can’t handle what that means. She doesn’t necessarily feel confident in her Country dance skills and doesn’t want to make a mistake, but she’s nervous and almost can’t help herself but take over and lead. Unless she tries to control the situation, she doesn’t know how it will turn out. I say, give her a break here. It all comes down to her nerves With a few dances and some trust, she will hopefully start to feel a bit better and will allow you to do your thing.

Fun: She just wants to have a good time! It doesn’t matter who you are, she’ll do what she wants, when she wants to. In her mind, she can give herself a better time on the dance floor than you probably could. OK men, what can we do about these ladies? Well, have a dance or two with her, and if she keeps wanting to turn herself, move on.

You’re going to run into all types of dance partners when you go out Country dancing. If you’re looking for a sure fire way to gain control as a leader and stay in control, I recommend that you make the investment in your self by signing up for Private Country Dance Lessons. Working directly with an instructor will give you the tips and tools that you need to be that ultimate leader on the dance for anyone who comes your way. You will also be much more self-assured, which will give her a chance to relax and enjoy being swept off of her feet. Now that sounds like a good time!